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MY OPINIONS All of them correct. Ask Karen. Do not ask Karen.
My brother, Dale. Dale has identified a pattern. Dale is always identifying a pattern. We have asked him to stop identifying patterns during dinner.
| SUBJECT | MY OPINION |
|---|---|
| Self checkout | I do not work there. I have now said this out loud, to a machine, in public. |
| The metric system | It was pushed on us. I would simply like to know by whom. |
| The price of copper wire | Ask yourself who benefits. That is all I will say. That is all I am ALLOWED to say. |
| Birds | I have no issue with the birds. Dale has submitted a diagram. We do not discuss it at the table. |
| Passwords | They keep asking me to make a new one. I have a good one. Why. |
| The cloud | It is a building. It is somebody's building. Somebody OWNS the building. |
| Music today | There is no melody in it. I have tried. I put it on in the car and I tried. |
| Warranties | REGISTER IT. Nobody registers anything anymore and then they act surprised. |
| Two day shipping | Suspicious. Where was it already, that it could get here in two days. |
| Subscriptions | I bought the razor. The razor is mine. The relationship has concluded. |
| Automatic doors | Perfectly fine. I still put a hand up. You go through READY. |
| Restaurant menus on a QR code | I asked for a menu. The waiter pointed at the table. There was a barcode on the table. We left. |
Retracted Opinions
By order of Karen. Reprinted here for the record, without the opinions.
- The Hendersons' new fence. Retracted. The fence is fine. The fence has always been fine.
- Kevin's haircut, 2019. Retracted in full. It grew back. We have moved on.
- The casserole at the block party. Retracted verbally, at the block party, under supervision.
- Gary (as directed)
Small print (added by Kevin, who was not asked)
Uncle Dale is the Deputy Director of Pattern Recognition. His theories concern printers, QR codes, chargers, passwords, self checkout, and other harmless systems. He is not authorized to identify real conspiracies.
Records Department: Digital Object Corner • Internet Safety • Disclosures